My Story: From Depression To Redemption And Why It Matters To You And Your Own Fitness Journey

July 6th, 2016. 

 It was the worst day of my life, and it came just after I brought a new car for my exciting journey. 

I’ve been preparing to move to Columbia, SC to begin a new life with my girlfriend, Ashley. 

But she had other ideas.

Mere weeks prior to moving, she told me she wasn’t going to “settle”  for me and “besides, you’re too dumb for me, anyways.” 

I sat there in my car and I cried like a heartbroken teenager. And no wonder.  I was weeks away from turning 27, but had ended up living at home with my parents again after many ups and downs in life. 

I’d sacrificed everything to start anew with the woman I loved and now this.

My name is Mackennon Klink and this is my story of returning from rock bottom. Keep reading to find out how it can help you. 

How It All Began

Allow me to back up.  Waaaay back.  Back to the days of being a middle school kid.  I was like most kids, until one day I wasn’t.

There wasn’t a dramatic, earth-shaking event that occurred, but a slow gradual change.  I went from the “popular” kid to someone who’d rather stay at home, sitting on the couch watching TV.  I no longer enjoyed my previous activities and couldn’t find the motivation to do much of anything.

My concerned parents brought me to doctors. And then came the diagnosis. I was diagnosed with Unipolar Depression, meaning I suffer from depression and irregular episodes of mania. 

Wikipedia describes Unipolar Depression as “ a state of intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive to an individual's social functioning and/or activities of daily living.”

What Happened Next

It’s difficult to properly describe what It feels like to be depressed.  It’s something that stays with you being “numb” to the world around you and a sense of worthlessness, self-doubt and loneliness.  It’s being trapped within these emotions on a day-to-day basis.  It always follows you, nipping at your heels, waiting to pounce and seize control.  

Unfortunately, the anti-depressant medicine I received didn’t work. Or the next attempt. Or the next several.  My depressions and mania became more and more frequent and severe.  It reached the point where the medicine was doing more harm than good. Initially, we thought I was having a bad reaction to medicine, so we tried another medicine.  Then another.  As we tried different medicines, my symptoms became worse and worse. After six months of trying various drugs, it became clear medication alone was not the answer. Something had to be done.  I couldn’t live my life this way. 

What I needed was an outlet.  While I was an active kid growing up, it wasn’t until I found weight training that I knew I found the right outlet. I was first introduced to weight training as a freshman in high school and I loved it. 

I loved being in the weight room being one of the guys, not some depressed kid trying to hide his feelings.  

There was a certain thrill you get from lifting heavy ass weight that cannot be matched.  I became addicted to this thrill.  By the time sophomore football started, I was deadlifting 465lbs, the most out of my age group.  My coaches were impressed and tagged me to be a potential starter.  Unfortunately, when there are good times, there are bad times as well.

But Just When Things Started To Go Well…...

There was a setback. Only “setback” is an understatement.

Big time.

After my sophomore year of football, I was learning how to snowboard and I was falling down. A lot.  One day,  I took a turn too sharply and fell directly onto a rock.  BAM!  Both my knees directly hit the rock and I was down for the count.  The pain was extreme and being the uber macho 16 year old, I tried to hide it from my family.  I spent the rest of my winter vacation icing my knees in the hotel room.   

A few months after my vacation, my knees were still hurting.  I could barely sit down or bend my knees for any extended period of time.  I was 17 and I had the mobility of a 91 year old. I couldn’t climb stairs without assistance nor do anything I wanted in the weight room.  My coaches were frustrated with my lack of progress and enraged when I told them my knees hurt.  Despite everything, my best attempts nothing worked so I went to the doctor, which I received a new diagnosis.  

Tendonosis- this is a medical condition which the inflamed tendon tissue turns into scar tissue.  Specially for me, I had a duel patella tendonitis which roughly covered 60% of both tendons.  This was the source of so much pain from simply getting around school to trying to play football.  Fuck, I could barely function like a normal adult. Unable to have a normal life, I choose surgery to remove the scar tissue.  This surgery usually takes 2-3 years to fully recover, so this effectively ended my short lived athletic career. 

It was during my physical therapy rehab I discovered there’s more to training than lifting heavy weight.  I was intrigued with how the body works and the science behind it. As the training progressed, I was able to move and feel better day by day. 

It was at this moment I knew this is what I wanted to do with my life: to help others.

In college, I wanted to be a physical therapist, yet I couldn't maintain the grades. In addition, I still couldn’t do what I wanted in the gym.  My knees were still killing me, significantly limiting what I could do.  I need my outlet.  I need something that would allow me to escape my depression, even if it was temporary.     

To cope, I turned to an odd combination: alcohol and endurance running. Lucky for me, the University of Montana was a haven for endurance runners, and I could escape the stresses of school, life, and my illness.  The only holding me back way my ability to channel my inner Forrest Gump, I so ran.  

“Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well.”

Robert Louis Stevenson

Running For My Life (2010-2014)

I had rediscovered my outlet and found a new passion: endurance running.  Going to school at the University of Montana. In Missoula, there’s not a lot to do except drink and be outdoors.  It was this time I fell in love with running, especially in Missoula, Montana.  The surrounding area is a perfect area to get into endurance running. With nothing but vast, mountain terreran, running became the perfect means to escape  from the stresses of school, life, and my episodes.  It didn’t matter how severe my episodes were, for I could always run harder and farther.  In short, running allowed me to remain sane and it was effective. 

After graduating college, I found myself at a crossroad.  I didn’t have the grades to go into physical therapy, yet I still wanted to help others.  That’s what I was absolutely certain about, but how? 

Living off of Passion (Fall 2014)

Buzz…. Buzz…. Buzz….

Still asleep, my hand instinctively slammed the alarm as I’ve done so many times before.  I rolled over and out of bed to head to the kitchen to make coffee.  Without even looking at the alarm, I knew it was ’s 3:45 am in morning.  As the coffee brewed, I stood there struggling to stay up knowing if I lay down I’ll pass out.  I grab my coffee and head back to my room to get ready for the morning teams.  Between sips of coffee, I’m pulling on the layers of clothes to head outside.  I’m hit with cold wind and immediately step into a foot of snow.  I’m in the fucken middle of nowhere in Bozeman, Montana and it’s fucken winter.  

Winter has arrived. 

What The hell am I doing in the middle of Montana during the heart of winter?  Did I join the Night’s Watch to battle the White Walkers?  Nope. Actually I’ve accepted another unpaid internship with the Montana State Strength and Conditioning staff. 

After a year of personal training, I had quickly realized two things: 1) I wanted to train athletes and 2) I didn’t know shit.  So I studied my ass off.  A typical day started waking up at the butt cracked of dawn to get to the gym to train athletes and study my ass off between the gym and working at the gas station. During my downtime, I  read everything I could from Boyle, Cressey, Joe Kenn, Mel Stiff, Eric Bach and others. 

I wouldn’t return home till late in the evening to prepare for the next day.  It was a complete grind but I loved coaching and helping others achieve their goals.  It was the solo factor drove me to better myself and make the most out of my shitty situation.

 I was addicted.

“Grit is that 'extra something' that separates the most successful people from the rest. It's the passion, perseverance, and stamina that we must channel in order to stick with our dreams until they become a reality.”

Travis Bradberry

Training Youth Athlete, Pro Bowlers, and Hall of Famers at $10/HR (Summer 2015)

“People often remark that I’m lucky.  Luck is only important in so far as getting the chance to sell yourself at the right moment. After that, you've got to have talent and know-how to use it.”

Frank Sinatra

My phone on the desk is buzzing. It’s 5:30am and I see a message “You up?”

It was my boss, Mr. Ford.  Apparently the NFL group is starting earlier than expected.  I got my shit together and headed to the spot. We are meeting just outside a park, near a steep hill.  

As we are discussing the specificities of today’s workouts, I saw the NFL group roll in and the butterflies return to my stomach. They are alot bigger than from the stands…. 

Coming ever so closer, I see Bobby Wagner, K.J Wright, Deshawn Shead, Brock Coyle, and Jake Heaps to name a few come over. That’s when it hits me: I went from being a struggling intern to now training some of the best athletes in the world.  I’ve done it, I thought excitedly.  I’m training the elite athletes I’ve always dreamed.  

Oh shit... I thought.  My stomach turned into a pretzel of nervousness.

After working with the NFL group, Mr. Ford and I race back to the gym to prepare the NFL Combine group for their workout.  Immediately afterwards is the college group and high school, which I lead.  After that were more clients, then the youth group.  I don’t get back home until 9pm.  

Exhausted and completely spent, I collapse onto my bed. Despite being exhausted, I’m completely satisfied.  Only a few months ago, I was struggling in Montana and now I’m coaching key Seahawk players, and helping elite level athletes making the jump to college or NFL.   At this moment I knew this is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.  This realization sinks in and I’m happy.  

Returning from Rock Bottom, (January 2017)

It’s been a few months since Ashley broke up with me and I’m struggling to get my life back on track.  My depressions and mania have especially hit me hard, leaving me unmotivated, uninspired, and all I want to do is lay on the couch watching SportsCenter. Even then, I would feel pains of regret and despite every time I saw the Seahawks.  I used to train them. 

Used too…..   

Frustrated and angered by my past, I grab my drink and head into the bathroom and look at my reflection stopping me in my tracks.   I stare into the mirror in complete disarray at the person looking back at me.  I’ve completely let myself go, looking nothing like I’ve ever did, even prior to the breakup.  I look into the mirror, observing and analyzing my body.  Are those tits???  What have I done to myself???   I continued to stare at myself, reflecting upon how i used to look, my journey, and everything that’s transpired.  The more and more I look at myself, the more I found myself getting angry, motivated, and the dormant fire within began to reignite.

I had one thought and one thought only:

This has to change…..  

Motivated and with the inner fire burning, While I was doing some research on the different diets  I came across a coach who I respect (Eric Bach), who was offering a 60 Day Shred program.  This must be a sign…..

“And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

J.K Rowlings

Eye’s on the Horizon

“Adversity and loss make a man wise.” 

Welsh Proverb

It’s now August 2018 and I’ve turned 30.  The big 3-0. Am I scared and nervous?  Fuck ya, but I’m extremely optimistic for my future.  Since hitting rock bottom 3 years ago,  I’ve completely transformed my life.  I’m now the Director of Fitness at my gym. I’ve completely transformed my body and launched my own online business.  

Life is a mixed bag of good and bad things occurring simultaneously.  There will always be some good with the bad and some bad with the good.  There will be something trying to inhibit your progress and it’s up to you to resist.   

Fitness is similar to life.  Everyone starts their journey at a different point and with different reasons.   You know where you want to go, yet the road is a long and winding.   You want to change your life, yet you’re scared. I know because I’ve been there.  

Change is difficult.  Change should challenge you and push you to your limits. Yet change is a natural part of life and it’s hard to see it through to the end.

This is why you need to clearly establish your “why” - that deep emotionally instinitic value of “why does this matter to me?” 

I’ve established and maintained my “why” - to help myself by helping others. 

Motivation only last for so long, that's why you need to take some kind of daily action towards your goal.  

From recovering from duel knee surgeries to training NFL athletes to hitting rock bottom to transforming my own body, I’ve seen it and been through it.

My message?

Don’t allow your current circumstances to define your life.

You can undergo your own eucatastrophe and change your life for the best.  

Everything you want is on the far side of hard work.  You’ll need to trade short-term discomfort for a long-term transformation.  You’ll build discipline and willpower that will seep into every aspect of your life.  Fitness is the vehicle for change. I know because it changed my life.  

“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. 

 Be nice. Always.”

Brett Meltzer